The Ugly Duckling

I was concerned about not looking too made up for the rugby game, so i wore shorts and a t-shirt with minimal make up. I was therefore mortified to find out that we were going straight out into the city after all the rugby.

No matter, i convinced myself, from what i've heard about the girls in Auckland, i would fit in just fine. Boy, was i mistaken...

Walking to the pub, i was treated to an eyeful of overflowing tits, too fat thighs in too tight skirts, trannie make-up and a few pairs of thigh high red prostitute boots. Now i'm no Audrey Hepburn but it was as if Jodie Marsh had been here and thrown up all over everyone.

While the boys guzzled more booze and reverted back to caveman days, banging their chests and screaming for women and beer, i escaped to the toilet to freshen up. As i brushed my hair, i was approached by two gorgeous, glam looking girls who began to stroke my head.

'you're what i call a natural beauty' said the brunette who was struggling to open her eyes through the weight of her fake lashes.

'yeh' said the blonde who looked like she had been rolling around in mud ' i bet you don't even have any foundation on, here lets make you look hot'. She took out her bronzer brush and started to attack my cheeks with it.

Oh my god, i was like Tai from Clueless, the ugly bloody duckling. These girls, thought i needed their help to look 'hot'...How embarrassing. I was wrong about this place. The girls DO wear make up and they DO make an effort, I'm never going out sporting the natural look ever again.

And p.s where do all the classy girls hang out?